The thought of weaning

I had a realisation tonight.  My baby is 6 months old.  I have planned to breastfeed him until he’s a year old…halfway there.  And I’m so not ready to think about weaning.

I thought I would be eager to wean.  I thought I would be ready to have my boobs back, my room back, my bed back…

but it’s not that simple.

I always thought it was weird when mothers said that they loved nursing.  I guess I just thought of it anatomically instead of the connection side of it.  

And now, I am that mother saying to you that I love nursing.  Nursing is a time when I can cradle my baby, cuddle him, and savour my moments with him as a baby.  As he gets older and busier, nursing is a time when he is still and cuddly.  Nursing is a time when I can breathe in and relax, forgetting my anxieties and troubles.  Nursing not only provides me with a sacred time with my son, but also I know I am giving him the best gift of nourishment physically and emotionally.  I am giving him the gift of antibodies, vitamins, minerals, lowered risk of disease, and a place of comfort and security.  I’m giving myself a decreased risk of breast cancer and, again, time to sit down and quiet my soul.

It makes me cry to think about giving this beautiful ritual up anytime soon.  Because my baby wouldn’t wean on his own for 2-4 years, and maybe that’s what he needs.  Because when he does wean, he will be a little less my baby and a little more grown up.  And both of those realisations sting.  Oh, my heart.

I will cherish every second and hope that we’re both ready when the time comes…whether that’s at 1 year or beyond.

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T.G.I.F.

This week seems to be food related, and that could be because my focus has been on eating a healthy diet via Trim Healthy Mama.  Plus, the homeopath told me to cut out soda, so I’ve had to improvise.  

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Photo from gwens-nest.com (Also where this yummy recipe came from)

Yesterday, I had plans to have a few friends over for tea/coffee and girl chat.  I planned to make this dip.  They texted last minute and said they couldn’t make it.  I made the dip today and ate it all myself.  It tasted divine.

 

Another recipe I’d like to try is this grain free, sugar free tiramisu.  I love tiramisu.  Ever since I first went to Olive Garden, it’s been my favorite dessert (don’t judge).  So I plan to make this version of it very soon and give it a try.  I’ll let you know how it turns out when I do.

I don’t know if any of you follow The Skeptical Mother on facebook, but she posted an absolutely amazing, heartwarming story today.  It caught my attention when it said a mother saved an abandoned babies’ life.  Wow.  I immediately clicked and read about this pregnant woman and her husband who found a baby girl basically dead on the side of the road and tried to revive her.  Nothing was working, but it occurred to the mom that she already had milk she could feed this baby with.  Miraculously the baby nursed and started improving immediately.  I had tears in my eyes when I read through the story, and I hope that we would all choose the same for any sweet baby we found.  Go have a read.

And if you follow my pinterest, you’ll know how completely obsessed I’ve been with hair this week.  I cut my hair a couple of months after Cody was born and have regretted it ever since.  I needed to at the time, because showering took far too long since Cody wouldn’t sleep more than 30 minutes at a time, but I have missed my long hair ever since.  I’m working on growing it out, and until then searched for a new style.  I also think I’m going to color it red.  Now, I’ve had my hair red before, and it suited me, but that was a gingery natural sort of red.  This time, I want a bold red that no one can ignore.  I just want to make sure it’s a good reason not to ignore.  Anyway, all that to say, here are a few pins of hairstyles/colors that I fell in love with on pinterest this week.

 

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I think getting ahold of my hair style again will give me a little more oomph in my step, but I’m also afraid that I’ll regret it like I did when I cut it.  Opinions?

Admittedly, I already bought a box of hair dye, I’m just waiting for a time when I feel spontaneous enough to use it.  And, I’m having a friend cut my hair on Monday (she is a hairstylist by trade), so I’ve been looking so I know what to tell her.  I sure hope I can get something nice that I like this time.

Have a lovely weekend.

Be still…

I started a breathing exercise for my anxiety in the past couple of days and was advised to think of a word or phrase to repeat to myself while doing the exercise.

Be still and know that I am God.

Today, as I went about my day, I did the exercise and repeated this verse to myself.  One such time happened when I nursed Cody.  Not a sound in the house, my baby was contentedly feeding, and suddenly, my heart was still.  Still.  

When you feel anxious and your thoughts gallop away, stillness is not an option.  At that moment, peace and stillness washed over me, though. 

And then I realised…God helped me to continue nursing for a reason.  He knew I would need these quiet moments with my baby to have a few minutes of peace every day…to be still…and to acknowledge that He is God and has everything under control, even when I don’t.  I am so thankful for my milk supply, a good latch, and my sweet time with Cody when he’s nursing.  It’s a time when I know that something I do is life sustaining and beautiful.  Thank you, Lord.