Hectic Week

Oh.My.Goodness…this week has been a doozy.  

I thought I was going to lose my little boy last Monday.  He woke up from a nap and was acting normal.  After a few minutes, he started to get fussy, and I needed to take him into town to get some photos done for his passport.  I handed him to Daniel so I could get everything ready to go, and within 2 minutes, he started screaming…like he never has before…I picked him back up, and he was drenched in sweat (even his hair was wet).  We took his temp and it was normal.  I tried to feed him and he screamed.  Nothing helped.  At this point, I started to panic.  Cody is so not the type to scream about nothing, and we had no idea what was wrong.  Daniel took over when he saw I was starting to have a panic attack.  He changed Cody’s diaper, and Cody started to calm down.  And then he started to turn really pale.  And then he passed out.

I can’t tell you the horror we both felt.  We kept saying his name over and over, and he would rouse a bit and pass out again.  I went to look up the doctor’s number and kept hearing Daniel call “Cody, Cody.  Cody, wake up.”  

“Should I call an ambulance?”  I said.

“Yes, call an ambulance!”

When the paramedics arrived, Cody was awake again, but extremely pale and lethargic.  He wasn’t playing or smiling or being himself at all.  Long story (sort of) short, they drove us to the dr’s office, and the doctor said he thought it was a breath holding episode.  Have you ever heard of those?  I thought they were just when a toddler or young kid was mad and held their breath to upset someone, but it turns out they are much more than that.  It’s funny, too, because I was reading about them on Modern Mommyhood’s blog a few weeks ago.  A breath holding episode is when a baby or child gets upset and cries so hard that they basically hyperventilate and lose the ability to breathe in.  You have to wait until they pass out for them to start breathing again.  Terrifying.  

The good thing is, Cody is doing well and we know that breath holding spells are not serious.  Hopefully it won’t ever happen again, but even if it does, we know what to expect and he will grow out of them by the age of 5 or 6.

A few days later, he was chewing on my finger (a favorite past time of his) and I felt something.  Lo and behold, he had a little baby tooth popping up!  I never thought I’d be so excited over a tooth, but it is so darn cute (but very sharp).  And today I saw that he already has a second one popping up!  

So there you go, my week.  Breath holding spells and two teeth in less than a week.  Phew, I hope this week is super boring.

The thought of weaning

I had a realisation tonight.  My baby is 6 months old.  I have planned to breastfeed him until he’s a year old…halfway there.  And I’m so not ready to think about weaning.

I thought I would be eager to wean.  I thought I would be ready to have my boobs back, my room back, my bed back…

but it’s not that simple.

I always thought it was weird when mothers said that they loved nursing.  I guess I just thought of it anatomically instead of the connection side of it.  

And now, I am that mother saying to you that I love nursing.  Nursing is a time when I can cradle my baby, cuddle him, and savour my moments with him as a baby.  As he gets older and busier, nursing is a time when he is still and cuddly.  Nursing is a time when I can breathe in and relax, forgetting my anxieties and troubles.  Nursing not only provides me with a sacred time with my son, but also I know I am giving him the best gift of nourishment physically and emotionally.  I am giving him the gift of antibodies, vitamins, minerals, lowered risk of disease, and a place of comfort and security.  I’m giving myself a decreased risk of breast cancer and, again, time to sit down and quiet my soul.

It makes me cry to think about giving this beautiful ritual up anytime soon.  Because my baby wouldn’t wean on his own for 2-4 years, and maybe that’s what he needs.  Because when he does wean, he will be a little less my baby and a little more grown up.  And both of those realisations sting.  Oh, my heart.

I will cherish every second and hope that we’re both ready when the time comes…whether that’s at 1 year or beyond.

Sweet moments in mothering

I have had many moments already in my time as a mother when I took a mental snapshot and knew I could never forget.  

Cody loves to look me in the eyes sometimes when I’m rocking him.  He settles right down and just looks at me, and my heart overflows with love.  A few times, he has fallen asleep this way.  Sweet.

One of my favorite new things that Cody has started doing is touching my face, particularly when he has just woken up.  I often put him up on our bed for his naps and keep a keen ear out for him or stay and do my devos while he sleeps.  I just love it when he first wakes up.  I’ll say a little “hello” and he’ll give me a smile and reach out for my face.  Sweet.

Early this morning, Cody became really fussy.  I kept trying to feed him, but he would suckle and then fall asleep.  I would promptly put him down, he would settle, and I would go back to sleep only to be awakened by more fussing shortly after.  A few times this happened, so I tried putting him up into bed with me.  When he still fussed a few minutes later, I picked him up and placed him on my shoulder.  He immediately fell asleep, and it felt good knowing that my arms are his comfort.  Sweet.

What are some of your favorite sweet moments?

38 weeks: Midwife appointment and distracting myself.

This morning, I am enjoying the quiet and reflecting.  I couldn’t sleep well, because apparently my tummy is so heavy that my body isn’t registering how to turn over in my sleep anymore.  So, I kept waking up with hip pain and body aches.  The good news is, I got to watch the sun rise and have a cup of tea.

No baby yet, but I feel my body preparing more and more.  The cramps are getting stronger and more frequent as the days go by (although they are irregular and every 1-2 hours, so I know they’re not contractions).  I feel the baby rubbing his head on my cervix sometimes, and lately he’s been doing it a bit more and it feels like he’s gently stretching it in preparation for birth.  I also had a burst of nesting energy last night, which hasn’t happened in awhile.  I think he’ll be here by my due date.

I can’t remember if I updated you the last midwife appointment, but my fundal height growth was 3 centimeters in a week and a half.  So I was concerned (although the midwife didn’t seem so concerned yet).  Well, I had another appointment on Saturday, and everything’s back to normal.  The baby is in a great position, I am healthy, and all looks great for the birth.  The midwife thinks the baby will be a nice size–not too big.  She said there’s plenty of fluid in my uterus, but he is not going to be a big baby.  When she’s felt his head in the past, she’s told me it’s not very big (welcome news).  So, all is looking well, and now it’s just a waiting game.

In my waiting, so far, I have gone to see a movie and get a pedicure.  Today, I’m skyping with a friend and getting a haircut.  I have a few days this week that are blank, which I think will be good for me…just to enjoy the rest (or nesting), and a few errands to run after a chiropractor appointment one day.  So, keeping busy with a few things, but definitely anticipating birth.  I just can’t believe it’s almost here.  So excited!  I am through the mourning period that I wrote about last week, for the most part, and just getting so excited to meet my son.  He is precious to me already, and I know he will only be moreso after he arrives.  

I’ll keep y’all “posted” (oh man, I need some sleep–sorry for the cheesiness), and I hope you have a lovely week!