The thought of weaning

I had a realisation tonight.  My baby is 6 months old.  I have planned to breastfeed him until he’s a year old…halfway there.  And I’m so not ready to think about weaning.

I thought I would be eager to wean.  I thought I would be ready to have my boobs back, my room back, my bed back…

but it’s not that simple.

I always thought it was weird when mothers said that they loved nursing.  I guess I just thought of it anatomically instead of the connection side of it.  

And now, I am that mother saying to you that I love nursing.  Nursing is a time when I can cradle my baby, cuddle him, and savour my moments with him as a baby.  As he gets older and busier, nursing is a time when he is still and cuddly.  Nursing is a time when I can breathe in and relax, forgetting my anxieties and troubles.  Nursing not only provides me with a sacred time with my son, but also I know I am giving him the best gift of nourishment physically and emotionally.  I am giving him the gift of antibodies, vitamins, minerals, lowered risk of disease, and a place of comfort and security.  I’m giving myself a decreased risk of breast cancer and, again, time to sit down and quiet my soul.

It makes me cry to think about giving this beautiful ritual up anytime soon.  Because my baby wouldn’t wean on his own for 2-4 years, and maybe that’s what he needs.  Because when he does wean, he will be a little less my baby and a little more grown up.  And both of those realisations sting.  Oh, my heart.

I will cherish every second and hope that we’re both ready when the time comes…whether that’s at 1 year or beyond.

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8 thoughts on “The thought of weaning

  1. You couldn’t have written it better. So spot on, it’s like you were in my brain! I’ve thought every single thing you said and I’ve been wanting to write it all out too but you did it perfectly. I agree completely. I also used to think it was strange when moms would say they loved to nurse. I didn’t get why. But man oh man I cannot imagine stopping any time soon. And Gracie will be 1 in a month! You’ve done a great job, you never gave up! Oh, and I loved the part about nursing being a quiet time for is both, a sort of forced relaxation, which I LOVE. Quiets our souls for sure. Great post mama. Xo

    • Thank you! Just today, I was feeling on edge and stressed because we were out all day. When we went to nurse, I was able to calm down and have a few moments to bond with Cody, and then I felt so much better! I will definitely miss this when it’s time to stop.

  2. Great post! I have been thinking of this a lot lately. Our little guy is almost 7 months and I wanted to make it to at least 6 months and go no longer than 1 year. I still breastfeed with one bottle of formula at night. But the thought of not having the special time with him almost makes me want to cry. I never thought I would be this attached to it. I fear my supply is diminishing and I might not have a choice in how long I breastfeed, but at least for the next several months I am still going to do what I can.

    • The way I see it, any breast milk your baby has had and will have is incredibly beneficial to him, and you’ve made it 6 months. That is awesome! Even if your supply diminishes, you’ve given him a beautiful gift. I will definitely miss the special time with my little man, too. I guess that’s the hard part of being a mom…it’s letting go a little at a time. Maybe we can find other replacements for bonding, though…but it sure is a sweet time.

  3. Pingback: Baby led weaning | laughingpromises

  4. Congrats on getting to 6 months! Your story sounds just like mine; I thought those mothers who said they loved nursing were weirdos, and I DIDN’T love nursing for the first many months…but now I do! We’re still going strong at 14.5 months and it only gets more precious. Yesterday she fell and banged her head hard and I picked her up and cuddled her and after a moment through her sobs she pulled back, looked at me through her tears, and signed, “Nurse?” I pulled up my shirt, she latched on with a sigh, and all was well in a few moments. I LOVE being able to give that to her, I LOVE that she can ask for what she needs and wants, and I LOVE that I can do something for her that is so perfect for both of us. If you want to keep nursing when you hit one, go for it! It keeps changing and evolving, and they do it less and less as time goes on. You wouldn’t be nursing your 2 year old as often as you nurse your 6 month old, or for as long, so it’s not as daunting as it first sounds.

    Beautiful, beautiful post. So very well written.

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