Flashback posts are journal entries that I wrote in the past 4 years since moving to Australia. I will post once a week and do a follow up reflection post the next day. I hope you enjoy. Also, don’t forget to follow me on twitter and pinterest.
June 30, 2011
I’m feeling the urge to write again, which is a wonderful event that I’ve been waiting on in the past couple of months.
Facebook had me turned off to the internet for awhile…someone took something I did way out of line and voila–facebook is stupid and tainted and I don’t want them reading about what I’m up to on my blog, etc. So, I’ve been hiding.
Sometimes hiding is a good thing. We need to keep our distance and set up healthy boundaries with people in our lives that abuse us. Throughout this whole process, I’ve prayed about what to do and how to handle this with dignity and grace. God lead me to read through 1 and 2 Samuel, and when I did, He kept showing me something: When Saul attacked David, David ran. He didn’t sit around and wonder what Saul was going to do next or blame himself for the attack. He ran. He hid. He protected himself.
I’m not saying that every time someone hurts you, this should be the reaction. I am saying, however, that in situations of abuse, the best thing to do is run. Abusive situations, even emotional abuse, are evil. They are not for your good, and God does not expect us to sit around wondering what the abuser is going to say or do next. So, I ran. And I hid.
I won’t be hiding on the internet anymore. I come with a new confidence in the fact that I am a grown woman standing on my own two feet with a husband who loves me and my own family unit now. I come with the confidence in knowing that it is my job to protect my family unit, and I come knowing that just because someone says that something is my fault or that I did something wrong doesn’t mean that I did. I come knowing that I have the right to set boundaries and expect those boundaries to be respected.
I’m in self-discovery mode. This experience has made me realise a few things about the people in my life and what they were to me growing up. I have started re-reading my journals again with this new perspective. I see what I was like as a child and what the people around me were telling me about who I was. I grew up feeling ashamed of who I was, what I liked, what I wanted to do and be and accomplish. I grew up blaming myself if someone hurt me. I grew up feeling ugly, weird, ashamed. My whole life, I have let people treat me that way.
All I have left to say is, praise God for being my Father throughout my life and showing me that they were wrong. I have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s okay for me to like the color pink. It’s okay for me to wear my hair in pigtails, no matter what age I am. I don’t have to brush my hair 100’s of times before I go to bed just to make it look good. I can enjoy eating healthy and singing in the shower and cross stitching. I am allowed, and I’m not stupid for enjoying these things.
You’re Free to Dance
Forget about your two left feet
Free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to Me
Free to love
For I’ve give you My love and it’s made you free.
I have set you free.