Quick update: My sweet boy Cody James was born in the water at 7:07 last Friday morning. He has already turned my world upside down, and I’m completely in love. I’ll update more when I get a chance, but thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.
…And still pregnant.
I really thought I was in labor the other night. I had contractions that were 10 minutes apart, then 7, then 5, etc…and I was so excited. Finally, I thought…I will get to meet my son. Not only this, but it was my due date. I had several hours of contractions before calling my midwife and deciding to go ahead to her house (where I’m having the baby). I woke my husband up and we took time to pack the car and make our way over. Well, when we left the house, the contractions started to get irregular. No worries, I thought, they will pick back up when I get settled at her house. I knew contractions can be disrupted by moving places. So, we arrived at her house, and after about an hour, I started to get some contractions again…however, they were no stronger and no closer together. No progress. I was frustrated and embarrassed, and so so disappointed. Needless to say, that day was incredibly difficult. And each morning that I wake up with no contractions, I am sad and disappointed all over again.
I have never been more thankful for the fact that we can put all our trust in Jesus. I have never sought His peace more. I think this is the hardest waiting game I’ve ever had to endure, and it’s truly testing my resilience. He is faithful, though. Hymns and the Word are like the most healing of balms to my soul each morning. I feel sad and have a bit of a cry and then seek Him through these things…and my soul is soothed.
In the meantime, here are the things I’ve been doing to move things along, just in case one of them actually works:
- Evening primrose oil: Using as a suppository since 39 weeks (2 capsules).
- Dates. Been eating 6 a day for a month.
- Walking. 20 minutes a day, briskly.
- Bouncing on birth ball. I still wonder if this actually does anything, but it can’t hurt, right?
- Stretch and sweep (membrane sweep). I finally gave into this on my due date. I felt so discouraged, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to give it a go. Since then, I have had a lot of cramping and feelings of change. I was already starting to lose some of my plug/show, but this kicked it into high gear. I’m hoping to see more results soon (it’s been a bit over 24 hours since getting it), but trying not to expect it, either.
Anyway, I hope you all are doing great. Thanks for your prayers and for reading. 🙂
This post is a great reminder about some relationships and situations in life. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let go.
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To let go is…
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I may not have mentioned this before, but I do not keep secrets well.
A few weeks ago, I saw an idea on pinterest that I loved and immediately decided to use it. The idea: A “care package” for my husband for when we go to give birth. I went to the store and had so much fun picking out all his favourite snacks (chips n salsa, his favourite candy bars, soda, cashews, etc). When I got home, I snuck it inside and put it all in a gift bag with a note telling him how much I appreciate him and how much it’s meant to have his support through this pregnancy.
I have always wanted to surprise my husband with a gift he loved. So far, in nearly 5 years of marriage, I have not accomplished this goal. Until now.
A few days ago, he wandered the house saying how much he wanted a candy bar. He caught a look on my face, and since I’m not a good liar, I spilled that I had some things set aside for him. I told him it’s supposed to be for the birth, but if he wanted to break into it early, we could replenish the snacks. He agreed, and I told him where I had it hidden. I have NEVER heard him so excited about something that I’ve bought him. He went cheering through the house and eventually came and gave me a big hug. With tears in his eyes, he told me how much he felt loved and appreciated and how good of a wife I am. I couldn’t believe that such a small act of kindness toward him could produce such a big reaction. He hasn’t read the note yet, because he’s saving that for just before we leave, which is nice. He will still have something special from me just before we welcome our son into the world.
Anyway, I wanted to share this idea for any of you expecting mamas or just for you wives who want to bless your husband in some way. Mine is still raving about the gift, and my heart warms each time knowing that it meant so much to him.
Happy blogiversary, friends. Apparently, I’ve been writing on this little corner of the internet for a year now, and I couldn’t be happier to have shared my journey with you. Thanks so much to all of you for reading, commenting, and hanging in there with me through many times. Welcome to my new followers, also. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.
When I sat down to write this blog, I wasn’t sure what would happen with my ttc journey. I thought I would be here a year later and maybe newly pregnant, but I wasn’t sure that God would grant the “yes” to my prayers so quickly. I clung to His promises, but I wondered what His plan was, too. And here I am, nearly due to have my son and ever so thankful for the outlet that this blog has been. For your entertainment and pleasure, I have compiled a list of my favorite posts over the past year. I hope you enjoy, and thank you again.
- The Power of a Praying Husband
- Story time: Leah
- March Photo Challenge: Living and Eat
- Gluten Free
- Story time: Elizabeth
- His promises are real
- I feel pretty: Beauty in pregnancy
- Stretch Marks
- Placenta Encapsulation
- My Pregnancy Survival Kit
- After Pregnancy
- The Closing of a Beautiful Chapter
- Climb Every Mountain
I’m still alive and still pregnant. Everything is going fine, but the Lord is definitely teaching me patience through this process of waiting to meet my son.
I have had contractions. I really thought last night might be the night, because the contractions I had were getting stronger and closer together (although still irregular). I went to bed, though, and they went away after a little while. I have an awesome midwife, because she assured me that I shouldn’t get discouraged but know that every twinge, ache, and contraction I feel before labor is my body preparing and getting ready. It has a purpose. So I’m clinging to that and knowing that all this now will make the big test of labor a bit easier.
One thing that’s changed for me some this week is that I’ve actually started enjoying my hot tea again. I haven’t really wanted it this whole pregnancy. Pre pregnancy, I would have 5-6 cups a day, and I enjoyed each and every one of them. It’s probably good that I haven’t drank that much tea during this journey, but I didn’t want any. I felt like I had lost that little part of myself. Well, now I have it back (although I don’t want 5-6 cups just yet–probably because it’s 100 degrees f outside).
Pretty much everything is done. I have decided not to pressure myself to have a meticulously immaculate house, because I don’t have the energy to accomplish that goal anyway. So, I’ve set small goals–keep up with the kitchen and laundry and try to keep the living room tidy. Other than that, things are still a bit cluttered and unorganised. Ah, well. To keep myself busy, though, I’ve decided to crochet a few things. I was watching ungodly amounts of t.v. until I finished all the seasons of Lost. Now I feel like there’s nothing else I really want to watch. So, I’ve journaled and focused on my devos, and now I’m adding these little projects. I also decided to crochet some things for myself, because the baby has so many clothes and blankets that I don’t think he needs anymore at this point. So, I’ll prepare and dream of winter for myself with scarves and hats and cute things I can wear as a new mom. I’m also occupying myself by forcing myself to make double of some dinners and freeze them. I had done this a few months ago, but when I got shingles, we ate them. So that’s what’s up. I will keep you posted and hope that little man comes soon. Until then, just trying to keep busy and stay patient and trust in the Lord’s timing. Amen and amen.
This morning, I am enjoying the quiet and reflecting. I couldn’t sleep well, because apparently my tummy is so heavy that my body isn’t registering how to turn over in my sleep anymore. So, I kept waking up with hip pain and body aches. The good news is, I got to watch the sun rise and have a cup of tea.
No baby yet, but I feel my body preparing more and more. The cramps are getting stronger and more frequent as the days go by (although they are irregular and every 1-2 hours, so I know they’re not contractions). I feel the baby rubbing his head on my cervix sometimes, and lately he’s been doing it a bit more and it feels like he’s gently stretching it in preparation for birth. I also had a burst of nesting energy last night, which hasn’t happened in awhile. I think he’ll be here by my due date.
I can’t remember if I updated you the last midwife appointment, but my fundal height growth was 3 centimeters in a week and a half. So I was concerned (although the midwife didn’t seem so concerned yet). Well, I had another appointment on Saturday, and everything’s back to normal. The baby is in a great position, I am healthy, and all looks great for the birth. The midwife thinks the baby will be a nice size–not too big. She said there’s plenty of fluid in my uterus, but he is not going to be a big baby. When she’s felt his head in the past, she’s told me it’s not very big (welcome news). So, all is looking well, and now it’s just a waiting game.
In my waiting, so far, I have gone to see a movie and get a pedicure. Today, I’m skyping with a friend and getting a haircut. I have a few days this week that are blank, which I think will be good for me…just to enjoy the rest (or nesting), and a few errands to run after a chiropractor appointment one day. So, keeping busy with a few things, but definitely anticipating birth. I just can’t believe it’s almost here. So excited! I am through the mourning period that I wrote about last week, for the most part, and just getting so excited to meet my son. He is precious to me already, and I know he will only be moreso after he arrives.
I’ll keep y’all “posted” (oh man, I need some sleep–sorry for the cheesiness), and I hope you have a lovely week!
Reflecting on labor over the past week has brought up a plethora of emotions.
I feel like I’m about to go on a huge trip to a majestic mountain…and I have to climb that mountain. And it’s dangerous. And it’s invigorating. And it’s terrifying. And it’s exciting. And I don’t know if I can do it, but I have to do it. And I could die, but I probably won’t. And when I make it to the top, it will be the most amazing view I’ve ever seen. A little boy that has grown in my womb for the past 9 months…that looks like the perfect mixture of me and my husband. Am I ready for this?
To help me through labor, I put together a list of Scriptures that I have also printed and will hang around where I’m birthing. Here’s the list:
“But the LORD is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.” 2 Thess. 3:3
“And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” Hebrews 4:13
“Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
“I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged. For the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
And a couple of quotes:
“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” Maya Angelou
“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” Bill Cosby
From now on, it’s a waiting game. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my son. I will climb that mountain, so to speak. It will be beautiful.
The last few days, I’ve found myself feeling sad. Honestly, it makes me feel a little crazy that I’m sad, because I’m about to welcome a beautiful little boy into the world. I sat yesterday pondering why I’m sad, and I realised it’s because I have limited time with just me and my husband left. Of course, I knew this was coming…the whole 9 months, I’ve been thinking about savoring every second I have with just him…but now that it’s here, now that I could have my son anytime, I’m becoming fiercely protective of my time left with just me and hubby. And, of course, this is the time when everyone wants to catch up with us before the baby comes (which is lovely), but I just want to curl up in our cocoon and be left alone until we get settled with the baby. Plus, I’m feeling increasingly uncomfortable, which adds to my crankiness with people popping by our house or wanting to have coffee or whatever.
I guess the only thing I can do is lean into these feelings and allow myself to process them as much as possible. I think they are what’s holding off labor right now (it is really such a mental thing, I think), so I’m working on it. There are a couple of things I want to see and do with hubby (like see the Hobbit movie) before the baby comes, and I have a feeling the baby will feel more comfortable arriving after I’m settled with those things.
Anyone else feeling this way?
Please don’t mistake this post as being in any way unhappy about the baby coming. I am beyond thrilled to meet my son and know him…and beyond thrilled to move on to the next chapter…it’s just a bittersweet time.