This week was incredibly emotional. I’m sure you all have friends who have posted on the infamous chik fil a debate on facebook. Well, I am not here to share my opinion, but I am here to share with you that it really bummed me out. Seeing so many people posting opinions JUST to argue on facebook has really made me feel discouraged. Plus, because of my family background, I want to argue my point, too…probably so that I won’t feel stupid for disagreeing. So, it has me thinking about my family life growing up and how much it sucked plus how incredibly irritating it is to get on facebook to catch up with friends that live in a different country and have everyone posting condescending and agressive posts about chik fil a or breastfeeding in public, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for people having the freedom to share their opinion. Sharing it and fighting over it, however, are two completely different things. How can we get to the point where we are able to hear another person’s opinion and share ours with out arguing over it?
And this all brings me to another part of the week. Thinking about my family life growing up has me reflecting on this baby and the family life that Daniel and I will be creating for it and any future kids we have. I don’t want to turn out like my verbally abusive, narcissistic father…I don’t want my kids to learn that they have to argue or yell in order to be heard…I don’t want them to ever know what it’s like to be manipulated by someone who is supposed to be protecting them the most. There is my fear. I know most of these behaviors I have learned to move past and most likely will not pass along to my kids at all. I also realistically know, however, that some of them I have as a result of being the child of a parent that acts like that…and I want to learn to move past those tendencies so that my kids will have a wholesome and loving family environment. I dreaded spending time with my family, because it meant arguing or listening to someone argue with my dad. It meant hearing my dad disgrace my mother in front of all of us. It meant listening to my dad verbally masturbate (this is a term the counselors gave it) for 2-3 hours on nonsense just to prove that he was in charge of the family. We weren’t allowed to speak (which is why we ended up yelling what we needed to say, because if we tried to speak, we would be interrupted or get in trouble).
Anyway, I want our kids to be so excited to have family times (within normal excitement) and go on vacations. I want them to feel like they can say what they need to say and be heard. I want them to look back on their childhood one day and be so overwhelmed with gratefulness and cherished memories. I really hope God can help me be this type of mother and create this type of environment.
On top of all that, I weighed myself yesterday morning and have gained another 5 lbs…probably from all the emotional, sugary eating I have done in the past week. So, I am cracking down on myself and working on eating super healthy again like I did before I got pregnant. Don’t worry, I don’t mean counting calories or any of that…just upping my veggie intake (I eat plenty of fruit already) and making sure my meals are balanced instead of eating more cheese/dairy/sugar/junk than anything else. I know I will feel much better and my weight gain will balance out if I am working harder to keep my baby nourished in a healthier fashion.
Cravings: Sweets for sure.
Symptoms: Emotional, acne, dry stuffy nose, dry eyes, dry skin.
Rings are still on and my clothes are getting tight. Ordered some maternity clothes from Old Navy which should arrive here in Australia in the next few weeks. Can’t wait to wear them!