I broke a commandment…

Today, I lied.  I do not usually lie at all.  In fact, when people tell jokes, I accidentally ruin it by telling the truth about myself or the situation…oops.  Well, today, I was caught off guard.  

My husband used to work in a grocery store in the tiny town we live in.  Thus, when I go grocery shopping, the people there know that I’m “Dan’s wife.”  Well, I know from what he’s told me that most of the women that work there are gossips–and mean, at that.  

Today, I went through a lady’s line that I don’t particularly enjoy chatting with, but hers was the shortest. So, I’m making small talk with her and she mentions how eating healthy is harder for her with kids, and I said something like “yeah, I can imagine that will be a challenge one day for me, too,” to which she responds by asking if we are planning to have children soon.  I flat out lied.  I told her no, I am focusing on my flourishing piano tutoring business and no plans in the midst.

At first, I felt bad…and I still feel a little bad.  After all, God tells us not to lie, and I want to follow His Word and do what He says…but WHAT do you say to THAT?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ashamed or embarrassed of the fact that we are trying for kids…but I don’t want to wave it like a flag to everyone around me.  I mean, shouldn’t my sex life be somewhat private?  At least private enough that people don’t feel comfortable to ASK about it?  And I don’t even KNOW this lady.  So, hubby and I talked about it, and thought of a few responses:

  • “We like to keep that between us.”
  • “Yes, we have sex every single day.” (I would probably never have the guts to say this one, but it’s funny nonetheless).
  • “It’s none of your business.”
What do you think ladies?  Any good responses, besides lying?  

DAY 17:  If you could have 3 wishes, what would they be?

1. No more financial troubles.

2. No infertility troubles at all.

3. No more excess body hair.  Seriously, is that too much to ask as a woman?



10 thoughts on “I broke a commandment…

  1. I did this too, for a long time and also felt a little guilty about it. But for me, it wasn’t so much guilt as it was shame…shame that I’d say we were trying, only for it not to happen right away and risk people thinking I’m inferior as a woman or label me with something I wasn’t ready to be labeled with. It took me over a year to move past that. I’d get angry at people for asking because I don’t think it IS their business and I felt like people were asking more so they could make small talk rather than actually caring about my life. However, I had to learn a workaround. As a Christian, I hide behind the “whenever God decides” line when it comes to strangers and finally had the courage to be honest with friends and it was hard, but things have been better for me now.
    I guess what I want to say is DO NOT feel bad for what you said. Or didn’t say. This is the beginning of your journey. I hope it’s a short one, but either way, it will take time for you to find the right words. I HOPE the words come to you soon and you find the best kind of peace until then.

    • I like the “Whenever God decides” line for strangers. I have no issue being honest with friends, but someone who would just use us as a gossip column for the town was something I wasn’t prepared for.

      Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. 🙂

  2. I have a friend who when people asking if they are planning to have kids soon she tells them that she and her husband are trying, but all the kids they try to lure into their van just keep running away. It’s a joke obviously, but people usually just laugh and leave it at that.

    I find it so crazy that people basically feel it is their right to ask you about your sex life. I’m sure they wouldn’t like it if the situation were reversed. I find a little snark works best.

  3. Similar to K.Smitty, I usually just say something like, “it’s in God’s hands,” and smile. It’s totally truthful, yet ambiguous enough to answer the question without revealing the intimate details. The commandment to not lie is not a commandment to expose the private details of your life to any stranger who asks, so don’t feel bad.

  4. When I’ve been asked questions like this, I always try to keep it as vague as possible and say something like, “Well, we’re just waiting for the time to be right” or “God is really the one who decides that, I guess” or “maybe, we’ll see”.

    I understand how you feel. I never wanted to tell people exactly when we would be trying to get pregnant either because #1 I wanted it to be a surprise when it did happen and #2 I didn’t want people bugging me about it if it took awhile! 🙂

    Don’t beat yourself up too much- you were just unprepared. Next time you can be ready with your best uninformative answer!

  5. I am sorry this happened to you! Please don’t feel bad for what you said (or didn’t say), I am sure God understands. I am always shocked by how nosey people can be. I typically say something like the first commenter — it’s in God’s hands, after all 🙂

  6. I think we’ve all been there! When we first started trying I was always caught up in a mind struggle of what is the best answer. I noticed that if I answered “yes” people would be more likely to be keep asking questions out of curiosity, and if I answered “no” I would feel bad because somehow I wasn’t telling the truth and felt bad for being ashamed…
    Now, I usually answer with a light, “We’d love to have kids! They’ll come when they come.” Or in Spanish, “ganas no nos faltan” [happy face ja,ja] (it’s not because of lack of wanting).
    My thoughts are that you shouldn’t worry too much about it, people only ask [most of the time] of out curiosity (it’s human nature!) and they’ll only go as far in the asking as you let them. Hugs

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